A Political Piece: DSK

Can I be honest with you guys for just a sec? Politics isn't my thing. Growing up in Montreal, the only time I ever cared about politics was when my dad told me that if we lost the referendum I wouldn't be allowed to go out trick or treating the next night because it may be too dangerous. I was pissed, you guys!!! I was like, "WHAT?! Politics is gonna ruin Halloween?" So you can understand why I just was never into it. I mean, the area I grew up in has had the same house representative my entire life (that information may be wrong - I once heard someone say something along those lines and I just tried to fact check it but I know so little about politics, I wasn't really able to confirm. Pretty sure I'm completely wrong though). Sure, I've voted (that's my story and i'm sticking to it) and I once went to a rally for something (I actually didn't, I ended up taking the afternoon off school for it but instead I ordered in burgers and fries with my best friend) but I'm just not super passionate about politics. I'm more interested in global environment issues or you know what, if politics are at all on my radar, it'd be Israeli politics - their relationship with the United States, their constant border struggles and the possibility and precautions of war between their neighboring states, not if we're gonna retract the 5 cent fee for plastic bags in local grocery stores. And yes, I know - there's a lot more to Canadian politics than the simple small stuff (like the Alberta Tar Sands, big budget issues and whatnot) but if it's being run by people with Canadian accents and that look Canadian, i'm just not feeling it. It's like watching Canadian television. It may as well be taped by your next door neighbor Roger and broadcasted on his youtube channel. LOW BUDGET.

Whoa. I'm so sorry. I just went off on an anti-political tangent there, huh? I don't know what came over me. I guess that all sounds pretty harsh. My poor friend Aly who works for the Canadian government is likely reading this with her hand on her forehead, shaking her head back and forth, coming up with ways to teach me more about this world I care so little about. Well, Aly - i'm not gonna listen. Or i'll listen, but as my teachers used to say - i won't HEAR. (or was it i'll hear but won't listen? Eh who knows - I wasn't listening).

Now look - There was originally a point to this post. I was going to write about Dominique Strauss-Kahn. I've been hearing his name (up until this morning I wasn't 100% sure if it was a he or a she though) and haven't bothered listening to the actual story or reading past the headline. I had never heard of this Strauss-Kahn before so why would I start to care now? All I could gather from the information I did happen to ingest was that he was some sort of left-wing political figure which only made me less interested... and then my boss mentioned it and that was it. I no longer gave a shit at all.

Unfortunately, I couldn't escape the Strauss-Kahn hooplah. I found his name coming up in my twitter feed, on the radio stations I flipped through on my way to work... even on blogs I read that normally just cover Jennifer Aniston's relationships with co-stars or Glee spoilers. So I decided, Eff This! I'm gonna do some research on the Wikipedia page of Mr. Dominique Strauss-Kahn and then I'm gonna do a blog post on him (or her). Unfortunately, it turned out things were just as I suspected. He was a stuffy political figure who was part of associations, monetary funds and parties I knew nothing about and my interest slowly dwindled... until paragraph 3!

"In May 2011, Strauss-Kahn was arrested in New York City and charged with the sexual assault of a maid who was cleaning his Sofitel hotel suite".

Oh shit. Juicy!!! Apparently in more detail, Strauss-Kahn exited the bathroom of his hotel room, naked, while a 32 year old maid was cleaning and then forced her to perform oral sex on him and attempted to rape her. Now he says he isn't denying they had intercourse but claims it was consensual.

WHAT?! Google Images immediately!

No!!! That?! Yikes. That's Dominique Strauss-Kahn in 2007. 2007!!! (if I could capitalize numbers, those would've been capitalized). Imagine what he looks like now. Even worse, imagine what he looks like now, naked! Double yikes. Also, I don't go to NYC hotels very often but i'm almost 99% sure that a 32 year old MAID who works at the SOFITEL in NEW YORK CITY is probably pretty hot. There is no chance anyone, never mind a 32 year old hot maid, would want to have consensual sex with him. He's like if Rodney Dangerfield and Mel Brooks mated.

Now here's where it gets even more interesting. Apparently French citizens (did I mention Dominique - which is a girls name, by the way - was from France? Maybe you know? You follow this stuff?) were given a poll just days after the occurrence and  the majority believe he is being set up as part of a smear campaign to hurt his political career back home in France. Um, i'm sorry but we AMERICANS (I'm Canadian but you get the point) don't have time to hire fake cleaning ladies and plant fake evidence that proves RAPE mind you, just to hurt some no-name (or 3 name, whatever) putz. We have other things to do like watch the finale of American Idol.

Which brings us to the present day. Obviously Mr. Strauss-Kahn is now sitting in a dirty New York City jail cell while he awaits trial (I know this because I watch Law & Order SVU). Oh wait - What's that? No? Oh shit, I'm sorry you guys. That's right - He isn't in jail. He's simply on house-arrest since he was able to post his $1 million bail and $5 million insurance bond (like any of us could). But wait, Mr. Strauss-Kahn isn't from New York... He doesn't have a house! And surely they cannot put him up in a hotel (I mean, NYC hotels are sooo expensive). So where is he??

Found him! He's just at his four bedroom-five bathroom $50,000 per month Tribeca townhouse with a state-of-the-art Boffi kitchen, high-end Miele and Gaggenau appliances, an Italian limestone bath with a Duravit jet tub and waterfall shower, and of course a lovely living space that includes a skylight and fireplace, perfect for sitting around with your lawyers to discuss how you're going to win the big case! If that wasn't awesome enough for DSK, his new up&up neighbours include Jay-Z, Ed Burns and wife Christy Turlington (keep her close, Eddy) and Harvey Keitel. He's also like, only 2 blocks from Nobu! Yummy!

I'm honestly disgusted with this guy. And it isn't helping that I just found out he's Jewish. I'm very conflicted. Do I hate him because he's a sexual offender or because he's tainting the name of my good people? I think i'll just hate him for both and stay out of politics for a while. I'M EXHAUSTED!

This has been an informative piece.